Posted in psychology

EMPATHY VS SYMPATHY

Empathy and sympathy are mistaken to be synonymous to one another.

However they are totally different in meaning and in the manner through which they are displayed.

Sympathy is the state in which you feel sorry for an individual because of the grief or misfortune.

On the other hand empathy is the feeling of understanding and sharing in another person’s feelings or emotions.

The manner in which one conveys sympathy and empathy are totally different.

In sympathy

People talk about how they feel about you and the situation you are in but may not directly express their feelings towards you.

There is empty talk and the most common is I will pray for you. They say things they will not do but think of doing.

You hear words such as wooiee “yaani nani has gone through all that, why do bad things happen to good people?”

People say they will be there for you but will never do anything after those words.

Sympathetic people make the situation hopeless with words like “maisha yake ni ngumu kama ingekuwa mimi… hata sijui.”

In Empathy

People express how they feel directly towards you.

People say what they mean

People are there for you; they check up on you and do not necessarily have to say it.

The help you find is genuine.

Someone will give you hope through their word and actions.

Therefore we should aim at providing empathetic healing rather than sympathetic sorrow. Show concern rather than empty talk because that is what sympathy is mainly about. Your sympathy leaves one more hopeless than before  not knowing what to think about. On the other hand empathy leaves one knowing that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

For whatever situation empathy is felt in one’s voice, words and non-verbal cues.

Posted in christian poetry

I WILL MAKE A FRIEND

I will make a friend
I will visit you in hospital or in prison
Or wherever you may be
You do not know me
And I do not know you
But I…
I will make a friend
I will find you on the streets
Even before you say anything
I will offer you water and food
Because I…
I will be your friend
I will find you at your point of need
I will offer what I have
I may not seem magnificently rich
But I am rich in within
So I will give the little I have
I will make a friend
You will knock at my door
You will be torn and worn out
I will see sincerity in your face
And I will open for you
I will give you water to drink,food to eat
Clothes to wear, a shoulder to lean on
A roof above your head
And a Bible to read
Because what you have done to the least of these you have done onto him
These friends will know Christ through me
For I am not a Christian because I do good works and charitable deeds
But I do good works and charitable deeds…
Because I am a Christian
Let me explain it
My works do not make me a Christian
But my deeds reflect I am a Christian
So call me Tabitha or Dorcas
And now that you see me alive
You will know the Lord
You will see justice in the prison
Healing in the hospital
A home in the streets
Compassion and strength in your time of need
And eternal life in Christ
You will see a friend
A friend indeed for a friend in need

Posted in humour, LIFE, Reflections, TBT, this is it

Weird BUT I AM SANE

i say things . Many weird things. I do weird things. i have  a friend who calls me The Crazy psychologist( sounds like a series or a book title) courtesy of my weird deeds and actions. it is not new to those who have known me since my childhood.

There was this one time when i was in class 5 a boy who really liked me and promised me the stars( coming to think of it, that was funny) sent me a love letter. i can’t remember the exact words but it read something like.

Dear baby girl ( that line by itself brought grief)

i love watching the stars and when i see them i see you

i want to love you

to be with you…

The rest i don’t remember

This is even better English. The next sentence  will explain why.

When i read the letter i corrected his English on almost every line.

Not as if mine was in ranks with the queen. It still not is . I have typos at times.

On giving him the corrected version, which was my response that was intentionally done to make him feel worse he hated me more than he loved me in fact he cooked a lie just to land me in trouble.

Once a teacher in primary still asked why do most of you look out of the window and do your own things during class?

I raise my hand and what i really wanted to say was

” if the class was more of a discussion than a lecture it would more lively but i ended up saying.

”You have such a squeaky voice it seems like a lullaby”

She nearly cried- i promise you it’s not a lie.

She tells me to call my father

When she comes she has only has one thing to say

”Kindly speak to your daughter?”

”Now”-He asks

You do not want to hear the speech i was given.

Recently in a matatu the conductor came along collecting his money.

when he reaches to Lorraine she opens her mouth to say … utalipa ?

He looks at me smiles and says – hiyo haitawezekana.

Then i say something like

”ooh unasema fare?”

pretending i have finally understood yet i know what was going on i dive deep into my pockets to fish out cash.

Everybody in the matatu laughed. They had their therapy for the day was done.

To those who ask whether i am kukus…

I am totally ok

I do not need extreme checkup

Everyone has a level of crazy in life

Signed on a sane note by  a sane person.

Posted in Poetry

A MOST FAILED SYSTEM-EDUCATION SYSTEM

Our education system

Is obnoxious and cantacarous

I would strongly say this because

This education system fish to climb up trees

And forces these fish to come down the trees

Which means we are teaching dead fish

Kwasababu samaki akitolewa majini hufa

If you take a fish out of the water it is dead

Or do our trees have sufficient water

If you compare manufacturers goods

Say cars

Compare the car henry ford invented

With a VW Tiguan you will notice that

A VW Tiguan is a makeover

But look at the classrooms

Same sitting arrangements as the 1900s

The books are also the same

It’s probably only the cover that has changed

To lie to us

The content is still the same

All other systems have changed

The education system is still the same

We give uniforms to symbolize the suits in the workplace

We tell them sit in nice neat rows and columns

Raise your hand when you have a question

Hence their thought pattern is limited to four walls

Your grade determines your future

That is what we tell them everyday

We put 40 students in one classroom

It is as if they have the same type of brain

We do not give room for musicians

And people who love handiwork

We only give room for A students

An A which will determine the quality of product

In fact many innovators dropped out of school

Or have never worked where their degree is needed

Should we wait for students to drop out of college

For as to realize we are wasting their lives

They are dropping out of school because they have an innovation

An innovation that school will not help them to build

But only letting free their minds will

This education system has caged people’s minds

So that they cannot think beyond their learning

We have a bored of education

That makes our students bored of education

To the extent that they cheat

You think plagiarism started in university?

NO … it started in kindergarten

Because as children we are taught if you are not right

Your opinion is not allowed so you better be quiet

You have to be right if you have to be heard

That is why they are taught Christian Religious Education

And not Religious Education

Hence they will never realize that we are all different

And through our differences we can build different

And through our differences we can build society

When will we change this system

That makes right seem wrong and wrong seem right

We need to make students realize

It is ok to make mistakes

Because through our mistakes we learn

We need to find a space for all students

In our curriculum

To allow them to break from their cocoons

And make our society a better place

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in LIFE, Musings, Reflections, vent

HIGH COURT JUDGES OF SOCIAL MEDIA

I recently took a break from walking in the courts, sharing my opinion, life, talents in these courts and seeing verdicts being passed in line with the opinion laws. Others have been sentenced and some have been freed. But the tragedy in all this is that most of those who visit these courts are mentally held. They cannot think instead they are subject to the laws of opinion.

If as of now you cannot link my topic with my words you either are among the few who have never stepped foot in these courts or you are still enslaved. If the latter is you I urge you to break the chains  of –MENTAL SLAVERY). Moreover there could be a need for you to sit down and think about it critically.

I despise the fact that social media sounds a bit like school. ARE WE REALLY IMPARTING EDUCATION OR IGNORANCE?Over the years there have been debates that school teaches us what to think and not how to think which is true. Grounds of innovation are being poisoned through the effects of school.

I logged off all my social media accounts for at least five days on the close of November to the beginning of December 2016. During this time I felt that I had acquired back my human nature. I am not the one easily influenced by people’s opinions because I have a mind of my own -I can think. What I mean is that I was able to get in touch with people more than when my accounts were online.

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On logging back in everyone wants a like and a comment under their post. Some even bashed for the fact that I was offline as if social media determines life.

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Then I see posts like while you were away… Sincerely speaking must I wait for Thursday to post a memory of a season in my life that passed ages ago on the norm of T $ Cs apply? I am not saying there is anything wrong with that but society has determined who we are to the point that we forget ourselves. We have ruined our marriages, friendships and family because naysayers will always say Nay and we will follow them blindly.

Allow me to say that some people’s lives on social media is a lie. But some of you believe their very strategic an organized lies that we believe that is who they really are.

I do not just accept all friend requests and you find that people will always want to crucify me for this. I do not always like every pic and comment under every post because entertaining evil online is entertaining evil in real life. Encouraging a lie is just like living a lie.

Some will ask …Then why are you still using social media networks and I will say as for Lorraine she will still do the right thing and even on that platform. She will encourage someone to be better but will not force her values down anyone’s throat. Most of all she will not wear your labels. Lorraine will also be publishing soon but she cannot afford what the media demands since they are also spoilers at times. However she will use her space widely to give to the society what she can.

Therefore pick your gavels if you will, pass your verdict but I will not be sentenced.

Posted in christian poetry

12 THINGS I WANT TO THANK GOD FOR

There are 12 things I want to thank God for
One
Many years
Many years of my life
Born several years ago
Where you put me together in my mother’s womb
And for  9 months you moulded me to what you wanted me to be
Two
Out of this many years you took me at your own time
Father and gave me to the son
So now that says I am rich in within
I have a treasure deep inside of me that is Christ
A mine within me only he can explore
My identity is in Christ
For I have believed in him
I cannot define me without him
He is I AM
Three
You love for me is greater than anything I could ever know
You love me with your unconditional love
A love that never ends or fades
A love that was there
Before the generations,before the foundations
You knew me and exactly everything that I would do
I mean it’s like a man marrying a woman whom he knows would constantly cheat
So thank you God for loving me
Then Four
You have taught me how to love
You have taught me how to love you
This was through the cross
You made it clear you can do anything for me
Hence created trust in me for a love unfailing
You have taught me how to love others as I love myself
Though not like me but like you
With a passion and love for Christ
Five
You have given me trustworthy friends
Friends from all walks of my life
Friends from Bible Study Fellowship
Friends from DCF
Friends from Doulos
Friends yet to come.
Friends I learn and play with
These are people you brought into my life
Other friends whom I have met and yet to meet
Friends whom I can call family
Thank you for choosing my friends
Because you are a true friend
Six
You have a given me a family
People I share , laugh and learn from
People whom if anyone else walks away they will stay
A father, a mother and six siblings
All whom I love and all who love me
Seven
What I have learnt and what I am learning
Through your word and in everyday life
These things help me grow
That good I am learning I can integrate with your word
For all good things come from you
Eight
You have given me wisdom
Wisdom which does not come from laughter but from mourning
So I thank you for rain and sunshine
Thank you for the roses in my life
Thank you too for the thorns I am blessed with
Through this I gain wisdom
In my toughest times I got to know you more
And in this I have grown and allowed others to grow
Nine
I thank you for your Holy Spirit
Through him I follow your will
He has been my helper
Helping me to discern that which is from you
And that which is not
He has been my guide
He assures me that you are with me always
Ten
I thank you for humbling me
That my pride may not be above my love for you
That I may be humble enough
To let you become greater as I become less
Eleven
Thank you for the therapeutic techniques you have given me
I acknowledge I cannot do it without you
For you are a wonderful counselor
Comforter and keeper
And in you I find rest
Twelve
Thank you for the ability to minister
Through this gift of poetry and a musical tongue
Let not my artistry supersede my worship
For when I do it ceases to become worship and becomes self glorification
So write my poems and let my praise and worship.
Be  a magnification of you who is holy
And since there is not more I can say
I will say Thank you Lord

Posted in Musings, The mind

MENTAL SLAVERY

Harriet Turbman who was an underground rail conductor and abolitionist was nicknamed Moses. WHY MOSES? If you have read the story of the liberation of Israelites from Egypt you will notice there is a mass movement which is known as an Exodus. This was the same with Harriet Turbman she moved with large troupes of slaves on their journeys and quest for freedom. In the latter years of her life she was quoted saying
‘‘I freed a thousand slaves and I could have freed a thousand more if only they knew they were slaves’’
The slavery she was talking about in this statement is of mental slavery which is the worst form of slavery in the world.
People can chain your hands but only you can chain your mind. Henry Brown was a slave for many years but his mind was a free asset and so he organized together with a choir member James Caesar Anthony Smith to be shipped in a box labeled dry goods from Richmond to Philadelphia. Along the way the box was turned upside down and handled roughly. When he arrived the box opened Brown said “How do you do gentlemen?” then recited a psalm. I waited patiently on the Lord and he heard my prayer, to the delight of the four men who received him he was christened.
Unlike box brown will you be confined to the box that people fit you in or will you ship out of their box? Will you dare to put the hole on the box and later sing psalms or will you remain a slave? In the words of one of my favorite poets Janette Ikz Why do we believe in the system that makes you think you are a victim of the system when he(God) set you free?
Yes 2000 years ago Jesus Christ through his death abolished our spiritual shackles and set us free from the kingdoms of the world but many of us remain comfortable in our religious traditions and superstitions while still proclaiming that we are free, People with a Christian personality oblivious of their slave mentality.
So are you willing to break the shackles that you wore by yourself and take the long walk to freedom like Nelson Mandela? Therefore do not wear them. Do not be the one who has been set free but still wears the chains willingly.
FREE YOUR MIND!!!!